Guest Post by Carrie Farrell

Today's post is by Carrie Farrell who has a great big heart for orphans.  This was a speech that Carrie gave in one of her school classes.  It seems very fitting for the month set aside for orphan awareness.  The theme was - "I believe." I asked for her permission to share it with you. 
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 I believe no child should age out of an orphanage without learning proper life skills. “There are over 143.5 million children orphaned worldwide  Fifty-five percent of these orphans are between the ages of twelve to seventeen." (*Guckenberger) These children usually phase out of the orphanage around the age of fourteen without any proper job training, and are left out on the streets. 

Today I am going to look at the following: 

• the background of orphans,
• why orphans need to learn proper life skills,
• and lastly the results of training orphans. 

 Believe it or not, being an orphan is usually a cyclical thing. Most of the time a young girl gets pregnant and cannot provide for the baby.  She sends her little boy to the orphanage, because she grew up in an orphanage and knows it’s a “safe” place. The child grows up in the orphanage and leaves at the age of fourteen. Has no ability to judge right from wrong and joins a gang. Before he knows it he is dealing drugs and getting young girls pregnant and the cycle starts all over again. 

Most foreign countries like China and Mexico allow children to age out at fourteen, meaning they put them out on the streets. In Mexico, the reasoning behind this is that the government no longer pays for the child’s education after the eighth grade. Countries like Bulgaria let the children choose to go to an older children’s home as early as seven, but they don’t have to stay there! With the illustrated story above about my hypothetical boy, one could say it was his choice to join the gang, but realistically he never grew up with a sense of right or wrong. 

Values are one of the many things that parents instill in the life of their child. In the orphanage it is the survival of the fittest, so you will use any means available to you to survive whether it is right or wrong. Just think if you went out into the world at the age of fourteen. Would you have been ready to combat the world, make good decisions, and provide for yourself? No.  But you would be better equipped than an orphan. Because you know right from wrong, have gone out in public, know where to seek affection, and have been taught basic social manners like how to look at someone when they speak to you.  An orphan has never had any of these basic lessons or opportunities.

 Now imagine if you were a phased out orphan. You likely would have, like anyone else, gravitated towards crime. What would the results be if we took in children who aged out of the system and taught them the basic skills needed in life, like making eye contact and going to the grocery store? We would see a reduction in crime and orphans, because the orphans would be better educated and find more worthwhile occupations, stopping the cycle. It would also reduce the amount of those on social welfare, which would help relieve the tax payer’s burden. Not only would it benefit those around them but also the 143 million children around the world. 

 I have three adopted sisters whose lives have been changed and rescued from the cycle. Imagine the difference if this happened to 143 million children. Imagine the radically different world we would live in, one in which crime rates were reduced. 

I, Carrie Farrell, believe that no child should age out of an orphanage without learning proper life skills. 

* Source: Reckless Faith by, Beth Guckenberger. She is a part of Back-To- Back Ministries originally from Mason, Ohio. The organization Back-to-Back has created a specific program to help children who have aged out of the system. They provide children with a home environment, education beyond the eighth grade (including college), life-skills, and love of Christ.

A Change in Plans

It seems our house has been hopping with activity since before Ruth's wedding.  So much so that I was anticipating a "relaxing weekend at home" which meant Ruth and Gerret were here opening their wedding gifts (joined by a crowd for whom I made dinner) and loading a moving truck with her things.  James and his girlfriend were coming in (from college) to visit too. Relaxing?  The gift opening and dinner part went well, and when I put the Little Princesses to bed on Friday night I assured them that we were going NOWHERE the following day.  The reality of Saturday was no where on my radar.

At seven in the morning my daughter, Hannah called to tell me that her water had broken, and she had signs of labor.   I have six other grandchildren, so this announcement might not have taken me by surprise except that this baby wasn't due for another five weeks!  I quickly dressed and began the three hour trip wondering what kind of "dirty lying rat" thoughts my little girls would have that day.  My intention was to return yet that evening.

As it turned out, Ethan took the Little Princesses to watch their nephews launch model rockets that day.  I guess they were fascinated and had a good time, AND it became apparent that at least Abigail is catching on to the whole concept of family.  She told my oldest daughter, Sarah, that Aaron (her husband) was a Baba but not HER Baba.  And she (Sarah) was a Mama, but not HER Mama.  Great concept.  Abigail then proceeded to tell her that HER Mama had driven off, and something about a sleeping baby.  Ouch at the driving off part!

Babies do what babies want to do, and this baby wanted to have our full attention for the entire day.  He finally made his appearance at 11:58 pm!  He was sent to the NICU as a precaution, but he is doing very well.

Ethan drove over the following day to meet the new family member.  I met him (and the Princesses) at the entrance to the hospital.  Abigail stopped and stared when she saw me, then began sobbing!  I quickly picked her up and she just clung to me, with both her arms and legs, and cried for a long time.

What was going through her little head?  Did she think I had left her forever?  Were there flashbacks of other times in her life when those she had become attached to had simply walked away?  We'll likely never know.  Adoption always comes with a loss.  She has lost so much in her little life.  I wish I could just kiss the boo boos to make them all better.  But some of those losses will stay with her forever.

I'm hoping the weekend is a memory that will serve her when I make the trip to China to bring Isaac home.  Sometimes Mama has to go, but Mama always comes back. 

Isaac Update ... just a small one

I got a note from our China case manager today and this is what she said, "Your dossier documents went to DC yesterday, so hopefully we’ll be sending your dossier (to China)  in two weeks!"

Aging Out

It used to be when one thought of adoption from China, they thought of healthy, baby girls.  Things have changed a lot over the years and it is now estimated that 90-98% of children abandoned have health needs.  When we were in China we experienced how difficult it was to even get a cab with a handicapped child.  No one wanted to pick us up when we had a wheelchair.  We did finally get one to stop, but the chair wouldn't fit in the trunk.  It ended up riding with us inside the cab on our feet! 

I wasn't prepared for the reality of how much the boys outnumbered the girls in the orphanage that we visited.  People seem to expect to adopt girls, so the fact that a child is a boy can be a "special need" in and of itself!

China's law specifies that a child must be adopted by their fourteenth birthday or they are no longer eligible.  There is a stigma that is lifelong for an orphan.  If they have a visible "handicap" it is even worse.  Often they cannot attend school or obtain employment.  Their future isn't bright.

There are many aging out orphans in China. What can you do?  If you cannot adopt them, pray for them.  Pray for their family to quickly find them!  These are five aging out children for whom DEFEND is advocating.  Do note that they are all boys.  Please pray for these kids!

Austin, 13 years

Tom, 13 years

Bobby, 13 years, nearly out of time

Daniel, 13 years old

Elijah, 13 years, nearly out of time

To learn more about any of these children visit Defend's Aging Out Page.

DEFEND!

DEFEND is a new advocacy site being launched by Bring Me Hope Foundation, to advocate and find families for the orphans who attend their summer camps in China. Defend's aim is simple -- "Upholding the cause of the fatherless..." It is a database with information and photos of the many children just waiting to be chosen by a forever family.

UPDATE!  Jan 2014 - Lance has a family!!!!   One of my personal favorites being advocated for there, (and reportedly the camp favorite), is a twelve year old they call "Lance."  His massive smile lights up the room; and his cheerful voice praising his Maker gives one the goosebumps!  This boy loves to sing!  Be sure to give a listen to the second video on his profile to hear some of that singing.  What Lance wants more than anything in this world is to have a mom and dad.  Could it be you?

If you would like to learn more about this sweet boy, or any of the great kids they advocate for, stop by the brand new
Defend website  or Defend Facebook page

If you have room in your heart and home, but aren't sure how to get started, feel free to drop me a line or check out the helpful section on their website about how to get started with adoption. 

These older children have so very much to offer.  All they need is the chance - and a family! 

They've been OUR Little Princesses for Six Months

In many ways it feels as though we made the trip to China just a few days ago.  How can it be that we are at the six month mark already?

 In other ways it seems as if these precious little girls have been with us always.

I don't know if it is our girls, if it is that we are REALLY experienced parents, or if it is simply the grace of God, but it seems as if our adjustment has been easier than expected.  We've had some tough times, sure, but the good times really have outnumbered the tough ones.

At the three month point, I shared with you the struggle of Jen's meltdowns.  I'm super happy to say that they have mostly disappeared unless we allow the situation that will set her up for one.  With all the craziness of their sister Ruth's wedding,  our house full of company for an entire week, their nieces and nephews competing for attention (and for their toys) and our schedule being thrown off, they actually did quite well overall.  It wasn't until the late night of the rehearsal dinner followed by the late night of wedding cleanup that the trouble started.  Abigail had a meltdown as we cleaned the church.  Jen had a MAJOR meltdown as we loaded up our van.  I am amazed that it took so long to surface.  Honestly *I* felt like having a little tired tizzy fit myself at that point, and I heard a couple of the grandchildren having milder meltdowns in the parking lot!  This week has also been rough as we've attempted to get back on schedule, while nothing is really the same with Ruth gone.

Our usual routine includes physical, occupational, and speech therapy twice a week and homeschool co-op once a week.  And the little girls who "couldn't talk?"  They have impressed even their therapists with their tremendous progress.  We still speak a funny combination of Chinese/English/sign language, but the English is coming along very nicely and they can understand most of what we say now.

So who are our girls?  Their personalities have really emerged.  Abigail is the dominate one at home, but is shy around those she doesn't know well.  She will clam up and refuse to look at a new person by hiding up against a family member.  She likes things tidy and in order, and her world is uncomfortable when things are out of place.  I've had to teach her that she may NOT take Mama's coffee cup and put it in the sink if she sees it on the table.  (A Mama has to have limits, after all!)  If something is missing - like the TV remote - we ask Abigail.  She usually knows where things are.  Even if they are UNDER a couch cushion, she knows.  She loves to watch movies, with Signing Time being her favorite.  She is a hot tea drinker and asks for a cup several times a week.  Ice cream is her other favorite (or ANYTHING sweet).  She loves to snack and is often heard saying, "I hungry.  Eat food!"  And she still has amazing abilities with chopsticks!  Abigail is usually neat, and seldom gets her clothes dirty.  She asks to go to bed around seven o'clock every night (how DID I get a child like this?) and squeals with delight when she gets a bath.  She is usually a giggling little mass of fun with an ornery streak.  Ethan and I have been known to comment to one another, "Good thing she is so stinking cute!"

Jennifer is a total sweetheart - except when she isn't.  There isn't much middle ground with her.  Either she is a total doll or a real terror!  Happily, her sweet side is the norm unless she is stressed or feels out of control.  She has trouble self-regulating which is pretty common in children raised in an institution.  She depends on US to keep a predictable schedule and we pay dearly for it when we don't.  She isn't a "me first" girl, and yields turns and toys easily.  She likes to eat, but will react with her whole body if she dislikes a food.  Peanut butter or cucumbers are known to send her into spasms in which she looks convinced that we just attempted to poison her!  She loves fruit, but isn't big on super sweet things like frosting. However, she does share the love of ice cream.  Jen is the one to take the lead when we are away from home and make new friends.  Movies are ok for a little while, but she is the one who walks away from the TV to play with the kitchen toys or puzzles, and she LOVES playing outdoors, especially on the slide.  Because she is affected more severely by the Cerebral Palsy, she is a pretty messy eater.  She also walks on her knees, even outside.  I often joke that her clothes are disposable.  I have yet to find a stain remover that can take on her clothes!   But, she has a real girly side to her and loves to have her hair fixed pretty and wear pretty things.

There are other adoptive parents reading my blog, and those still waiting for their child's placement who are watching those of us before them to see how we are doing.  For those who have yet to travel  let me reassure you that YES it is worth it.  Hold fast. They are worth all the stress, all the paperwork, all the hassle and all the waiting.  Stay the course.

The Little Princesses are Jr. Bridesmaids

Our daughter, Ruth was married last Saturday and her littlest sisters were junior bridesmaids!  Abigail was a little too timid to walk the aisle without Mama, so she came in with me.  Jen followed with one of her nephews on either side.  She was just glowing at the attention!

The week was a crazy one as you can imagine, with lots of overnight guests and upset schedules.  When you couple that with the realization that is beginning to set in that they have "lost" a beloved sister, my Little Princesses are just "off" this week.  We'd appreciate your prayers as our household readjusts to a new normal.